so yeah... i`m feeling depressed right know so i thouhgt i would talk about death. I was once really good friend with this girl. we talked about death and how she just loved life so much, and i just agreed with her because i didn`t wanted to stand out. But honestly i don`t fear death. I`m not saying that so seem cool or anything but i am justt not afraid of dying.
My mother and I once talked about suicide and she just could not belive all the people killing them selvs and again i just agreed , but i`ve more then twice thought aout suicide and how i would be and how i would do it. it`s not likw i stood with a knife to my wrist but i was thinking that i would fil my self talking to all the people i know and i would say my honest opoinen about them. I still think about it...
got to go know but this is not over yet!
So recently i`ve been feeling like i don`t belong avywhere, but that is normal at my age -says doctors and parents-.
Let me tell you a story... I`ve liked this guy for a very long time, but he was not really the best at talking to girls but especially me. I liked this guy for like five years or something (it was in middleschool) and we even dated once but i broke up with him after a week or so because he still didnt talk to me. But anyways he liked playing LOL (League Of Legens) and then my brother started to play it and he forced me to play it aswell and it turned out to be VERY funny. I never really got any good at it but i really liked playing it. Then a lot of stuff happened to me and that guy i had a crush on and it ended up with him liking another girl but at that moment i wasn`t sure he liked her. I should say that i still liked him then. But he asked -over facebook- if i wanted to play with him, and i answered a bit late and he said that he was playing with that other girl. I was a bit weirded out... But i still played with them and about halfway into the game i wrote in the chat "You are not good" and when "And you are not bad" and a last "You just sucks" I was looking at that for about five minnuttes before i fully understood that he had written that in the fucking online chat so all the other players could see it. I`m like: whaaaaat? I didn`t reply though. i didn`t know what to say. Remeber that i still liked him then. BUT i got over him pretty quick after that.
Okay then just today i was playing counterstrike with one of my really good friends (i`m gonna tell you about him in another post) and he was really mad and i still don`t know why. But he just blamed it all on me! And when he said that this other girl was so much better then me and he called me a fucking diva... I got really mad but also really sad! Because i think i might like this guy? And he might like that girl that is so much better then me. I`m still sad. i hung up the skype call and logged of steam and CS.
Please tell me what to do? I really need help?
okay so... i`m gonna talk about sex. I`m a virgin -thouhgt that might be a good idea to say-. And yes i like being a virin but i aslo want to know how it is. How much it hurts and so on. and if i`m being totally honest it is not the sex i`m looking forward to. it is the forplay. I know that all guys only want their penis up my vagnia or a sexy -sticky- blowjob, but is honestly think that penises is one of the uglyest things i have ever seen.
i was on this "new" app called Fling. it is a app where you take a picture -mostly selfies- and then you send it to 50 random people in the world. and if you are good at math you will know that 2+2 is 5 and you get some weird photos back... i think i have seen about 6 dicks iin the app and i started useing it like this friday. But i like it! not the penises! the app. but anyhow i sent this one picture of one of my friends to a random guy and we got a very little pale penis in return... and as i said it is on the penis part that surprises me... it is the fact that this guy, tock a picture of his penis and thought "oh what a great shot lets send it to this nice looking girl. I mean why would any guy do that? i know that i am not a guy -duh- but can you really be that horny? i`m cant claim that i`m never hungry after sex, but wont send a ulgy picture of my ve-j-j to some guy. and the worst part is when one of those guys are like "wanna met up somewhere?" and you can se where people come from! we were from freacking diffrent parts of the world. i i was like "ok, paris or london?"
but what i wanted to say is that girl don`t mind pictures of some dicks but we want them to be pretty. And then maybe MAYBE we will send you a little something back.
Okay, so i could be very polite and say that i have full understanding for people thats are freaked out about that Cover or Vouge photo... But really? what the fuck is the big deal? i reallt don`t get it. So they put out a picture of a girl who is skinny, why is that so diffent from everything else? i`m personlig not a girl that is super skinny nor super fat and i don`t se the big deal. Every magasine photoshops every picture the lay out on the internet. And with that i mean lik EVERY picture. They have made so girl seem skinny and seem beautiful to the readers, but every human with their head in the right place know that it is so photoshoped and that the people who own this magasine only liked her nose or something like that.
This leads us on the the next topic i want to write about. People are always bitching about how they look. Now a days everybody is gettig fraking botox and lips are gettig bigger and bigger and you know what? i really don`t give a fuck! sooooo many people are against all of that! why aren`t people allowed to do what ever they want with their body and... face? It is not like it looks good on all people, like right know i am "waching" Friends and i look at Monika and she looks beautiful and i just looked up a picture of her now... Her lips are weird.
but what i wanted to say is that you could do what ever you want and people are still going to hate you -fuck i`m one positive son of a bitch-
i may not be the normal blogger... i don`t do makeup, i don`t do fashion. i don`t read what i type 100 time to make sure there isn`t any bad spelling. I am just here to tell you guys about my sucky life.
Because this is anonumous i will not be useing real names. i will let myself be inpired by the movie "Ask me anything" -good movie btw- i will mostly be talling you about what i`ve went through this last year. About the disgusting crush i had on a horrible guy. About my "friends with benefits" realationship with my best friend. About my mother...
My post will ot be the longest, but about the size of this one.
Well... i hope your life suck as much as mine does